Friday Favourites

Not only is it Friday, but it’s also Thanksgiving weekend! (my favourite) Here’s this week’s roundup for Friday Favourites:

Date ideas? I got ’em!

From The One Night Stand girls: Fav First Date Locations in Toronto

From Blog TO: Top 10 bars for checking out up and coming bands (and for a third or fourth date IMHO)

and from Blog TO again: Top 10 things to do outdoors this fall (skating = great date, especially if you pull the adorable “I don’t know how to skate” bit)


Why Girls Swipe Left on Guys


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Hilarious, only on my phone the contacts aren’t “Tinder” they are “Beard” I have Andrew Beard, Mike Beard, and Sean Beard, to name a few.

This article about how to stop overthinking relationships came just a little late for me overthinking that thing with The Gentleman from yesterday.


 

The dreaded group shots. Guys, we’re going to swipe left if we have to play Where’s Waldo.

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Good things about the beard? Face pillow.

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#sorrynotsorry for all the beard humor. Got the B on my mind.

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Happy Thanksgiving!!

– A

The Disclaimer

Lately I’ve been thinking about adding a disclaimer to my profiles.


Actually, I recently “hid” all three of my online dating profiles and cancelled some upcoming dates to give this thing with The Gentleman a chance.  As i’ve said before, I feel weird dating multiple people at once, especially if I’m excited about a person.


However, if I end up re-activating these profiles, I have been feeling the need to list my deal-breakers. In the past, I felt profiles with disclaimers were cynical but now I feel they are necessary to weed out the crazies avoid wasting peoples time.

For instance, no drugs please. This is not a guideline but a deal-breaker for me. I don’t want you to try to convince me otherwise, simply respect it and move on to someone who is more 420 friendly.

I recently had a fellow message me about how fed up he was with all these feminists…why bother talking to me? We clearly aren’t going to get along.

Screenshot_2014-09-30-09-02-20

So here is my work in progress disclaimer:


Disclaimer: I dislike adding this to my profile and in no way want to come across as cynical but just to save us both some time, some tips. 

– Drug users and alcoholics need not apply.

– Not into poly or meeting your girlfriend.

– I am a feminist, if you’re not, don’t bother, we won’t get along.

– Please don’t ask me about my friends. Yes, they are gorgeous, no, they don’t want to date you.


What do you think? Any to add? Is listing your deal-breakers being picky or smart? Would you be turned off someone’s profile if they had them listed? Does it make people sound cynical or do you appreciate them cutting to the chase?

– A

A Rant

I know I promised a date story this week and it’s coming, I promise.

But first, a rant.


A little over a year ago I dated a guy for about a month. It was my first dating experience since ending an awful long term relationship and it was also the first time I think I’d been properly courted in my life. We had a great time together but he ended it after a month because he wasn’t feeling it. At the time I was obviously upset but I got over it and moved on.

Even though I still get a little upset if things don’t go the way I had hoped when dating someone new, I now try to take away valuable lessons from these experiences instead of dwelling on them.

In the case of this particular man, let’s call him Bob, the lesson came much, much later. After a few months of not being in contact, we reconnected and made the friend attempt. I don’t know if this is a steadfast rule, but in my personal experience to date, being friends with someone you were once romantically involved with is not possible. That may be a discussion for another day but it was so effing true in this situation.

Conversations started friendly. We even went for coffee or drinks on occasion. Then, inevitably, sex talk crept in.

I tried to brush it off as “boys being boys”. Does that make me a bad feminist?

Bob propositioned me on many occasions. I should have known better than to continue a “friendship” with someone who didn’t take my no seriously.

Then there were the hurtful conversations about my body. I’m a novice runner. I train for long distance. I do it because it makes me feel good and I love the feeling of being able to push myself to accomplish something I never thought I was capable of.  Bob, a bodybuilder and personal trainer, seemed to think that I should try to manipulate my body, using his suggestions of course, to look a certain way so that I could attract more men. I was floored. Not that this matters, but since I started running I’ve NEVER had a complaint about my body from a man; quite the opposite. And while it has taken me a long time to appreciate my body and accept it as is, I would NEVER want to be with a man who only gave me a second look because a did those extra squats (which was what Bob ACTUALLY said).

But this is all besides the point. Our friendship finally ended last week. I know now it should have ended a long time ago because it wasn’t a friendship at all. The last straw was after months of me rejecting him, he offered me money for sex.** At first I said nothing. I mean, I said no. But when he asked if he had upset me, I said no. A few days passed and I told a few people what had happened. The more I thought about it, the more angry I got. I had been clear all along about wanting to keep our friendship platonic and he didn’t respect that. What kind of friendship is that?

Lessons learned: 1) Don’t try to be friends with ex’s. 2) People can put on a show for a month or two, but their true colours will come out eventually. One month is not long enough to get to know someone. 3) Don’t put up with someone who doesn’t respect you whether it’s a romantic relationship or not….Ain’t nobody got time for that!

– A

**I believe sex trade workers should have rights just like any other job and this would create a safer environment for all involved. Personally, I would not engage in that type of work.  My views are my own and are personal.

 

Friday Favourites

Happy Friday! Sorry I’ve been MIA, real life gets busy sometimes. But I do have a new date story coming your way early next week! For now, here are my Friday Favourites.


In defense of a picky dater. I like this.

http://www.shedoesthecity.com/defence-picky-dater

Don’t worry….

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Rant of the Week

WHAT is with people in the city doing cocaine these days?! My profiles all say I don’t do drugs. Do I need to explicitly say that I won’t date someone who does them too?? I must have a type. Beards, tattoos, coke.

18 Rules for being a good dater (or decent human being) in 2014: I wish more people would be decent enough to follow them. Not interested? Say so. The end.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/christopher-hudspeth/2014/09/18-rules-for-being-a-good-dater-in-2014/

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My feelings exactly on “nice guys”.

http://blog.lavalife.com/do-nice-guys-finish-last/

Wishing I lived in Oklahoma City so I could match with this guy, seriously.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/17/okcupid-profile-photo_n_5837342.html?utm_hp_ref=tw

Happy Weekend!

– A

Message of the Week

I know it’s only Wednesday, but I dare someone to come up with a better line than this guy.

I’ve received a few messages like these before, usually they say something similar, a bit of an insult followed by asking for a favour. I have never replied until last night. My curiosity got the better of me so I replied with mild sarcasm.CYMERA_20140910_101040I was NOT prepared for the epicness of his reply. Maybe it’s a line that’s been used a lot and I just haven’t heard it…but it’s too good not to share.

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Now, I’ve opted to protect his identity because I feel like ya’ll will be clammering to figure out who this smooth talker is. But I had to share these pics from his profile.

Yes, that receipt had his bank card number. No, he did not black it out, I did.

– A

The Chef – Part 2

It’s Friday and I’m clearly not going to be very productive at work so….

Part Deux of The Chef.


 

Well ladies and gents. There was, in fact, a second date with The Chef last weekend.

On our first date I mentioned my love of brunch and so when he asked to go out on Sunday, he suggested it. The plan was Bonjour Brioche (my fav!) but it was packed when we got there so, both starving, we strolled over to Joy Bistro‘s outdoor patio instead.

It’s a cute place for a date. Conversation flowed freely. He’s such an easy going, laid back kind of person I really felt at ease. Like the last date, we left and went for a walk and without really realizing the time or how far we’d gone, we ended up back at Yonge Street. We decided to grab a drink since we didn’t have any other real plans for the day (love day dates for this!) and headed over to The Beverley Hotel‘s rooftop patio.

I highly recommend this as a date spot but if you recall last Sunday in Toronto, it was SWELTERING. I was wearing shorts and a loose cotton button down and I was dripping. By the time we got to the patio, he had visible forehead sweat and I was very thankful I had brought my makeup bag. If you’ve ever been to this patio, you’ll know it has some lounging couches which would be perfect for cozying up to your date except HOLY HELL, I didn’t want to be touched. (even though I really did)

wicked-witch-melting-o

Anywho, after drinks (and melting into the couch) we peeled ourselves off and walked around a bit more, stopping at a few places on the way back to the subway. And this is where we shared our second movie kiss. If you don’t know what a movie kiss is, think about those first episodes of Grey’s Anatomy. (YA!)

No new news on a THIRD date but work for him has been crazy (actually) so I’m playing it cool (ha!)

excited

– A

First Date Fashion

Whether it’s a first date or the tenth one, picking an outfit is sometimes the most difficult part and I never seem to have the right mix of casual but sexy cool outfits!

If you’re anything like me, you have a closet half full of “cute tops” you grabbed last minute for a hot date that you’ve worn maybe once or twice.

**I think you should wear what makes you feel sexy but comfortable. There’s no point in trying to look like anyone other than yourself. If your date doesn’t like it, they can shove it. (Or, you know, you’re not a good fit.) It will only cause problems down the road if you put on a show.

I’m no fashionista and in all honesty, I think you should wear whatever the eff you want and be yourself but if you’re looking for a few suggestions, I’ve put together a few ideas.


Sporting Events:

Sporting events are awesome and plentiful in Toronto. Our fans are committed and rowdy. Whether you’re going to see the Jays or the Argos, or headed to a TFC game, it’s going to be light hearted and fun. It’s a great first date in my opinion. There’s the opportunity to talk and flirt, but also the safety net of the game if your date isn’t so chatty. (or not your type)

I try to stick with something cute and sporty. I have a pair of white Puma ballet flats that usually do the trick for standing for long periods of time. I think converse or keds would be a cute alternative. I’m a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl when I’m off the clock so this is my element.

Oh, and dress in layers if you’re going to be outside at night (cool breeze off the water for TFC games or the dome could be open for the Jays) AND, top it off with a team baseball cap for a winning look. (see what I did there?!)

Active Date:

I have yet to figure this look out. I have a potential active date coming up, a bike ride, so I searched bike fashion on Pinterest. Why all the skirts?! I’m not a seasoned biker so I’m thinking I will stick with something like this…

Coffee:

I feel like coffee dates for first dates are becoming the norm, especially for online dating. It’s kind of like the pre-date date to determine if you want to go on a real first date. Sometimes it’s the prelude to dinner or another activity but it’s also a buffer so you can get out if it’s not a good match.

I try to keep my coffee date looks casual and rarely do activities after (save the real first date for another night) Again, I’m all for jeans and a cute top or blouse. I have a favourite pair of Levi’s boyfriend jeans from a bazillion years ago that are my go to.

After Work Drinks:

This one is tricky because you have to look good ALL DAMN DAY. (not my forte) And this look only works if your day job includes working at a stuffy office like moi.

Hint: bring deodorant, your toothbrush and toothpaste, and your make-up to touch up post work before heading out for this date.

I usually opt for a pencil skirt and blouse with heels. A slouchy belted shirtdress, à la numero 3 (pictured below), is another great option and allows some eating room. Pencil skirts don’t hide much of the lower belly pooch if you know what I mean.

Dinner:

My go to outfit for dinner dates as of late has been this Joe Fresh dress in white and navy (pictured in the centre below) with a jean jacket and depending on the boy in question, wedges or sandals.

Okcupid and POF let you know a guys height, and me being 5’4″, more often than not I can wear heels. With Tinder, unless they’ve listed it in their blurb, I play it safe in flats. If you don’t give a sh*t, wear whatever you want!!

The following are other great options. If I know I’m going to be eating, I tend to opt for a shift dress to hide my food baby like the first two options below. (Eating seems to be a real concern for me) The best part about dresses, is you can throw on heels if you’re going somewhere a little fancier, or flats for some casual sushi. Mmmm….sushi.

Do you have another type of date you need help with an outfit for?? Let me know in the comments and we’ll help you out!

– A