Message of the Week

I know it’s only Wednesday, but I dare someone to come up with a better line than this guy.

I’ve received a few messages like these before, usually they say something similar, a bit of an insult followed by asking for a favour. I have never replied until last night. My curiosity got the better of me so I replied with mild sarcasm.CYMERA_20140910_101040I was NOT prepared for the epicness of his reply. Maybe it’s a line that’s been used a lot and I just haven’t heard it…but it’s too good not to share.

CYMERA_20140910_101148

Now, I’ve opted to protect his identity because I feel like ya’ll will be clammering to figure out who this smooth talker is. But I had to share these pics from his profile.

Yes, that receipt had his bank card number. No, he did not black it out, I did.

– A

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The Bearded Nerd

A Tinder Date

I love Tinder for many reasons: 

– low barrier to entry – people who feel that online dating has a stigma or that creating a profile on a dating site is too much work, will be more likely join Tinder because it’s easy and everyone is doing it

– less embarrassment, if you swipe right and they don’t, there’s less of the rejection factor

– based mostly on a physical attraction (you wouldn’t flirt with a stranger in real life if you weren’t first physically attracted)

I also have my qualms about it:

– based mostly on a physical attraction (there is very little to go off of in terms of having things in common or similar values etc.)

– not everyone is on there for the same reason and it’s difficult to gauge someone’s intentions* (it’s known as the “hook-up app” afterall)

– people use it as an ego booster or have no intention of talking to or meeting with people**

– unless listed in the teeny tiny spot for your profile, you can’t be sure of their height (though I find this is the most lied about quality, regardless of app/site)


 

With dating websites like Ok Cupid and Plenty of Fish (and I’m sure the paid sites as well), there are ways to filter out the riff-raff.

Looking for something serious? You can search that. Don’t want to date someone who does drugs? Check their Okcupid compatibility answers. People can and do lie, but for the most part, you can filter out the lifestyles that don’t suit you.

Lesson learnedOn Tinder, you have to ask.


I went out with The Bearded Nerd on a rainy Friday evening for drinks at the Oxley, awesome spot, two patios, great British pub atmosphere, and great beer and cocktail list.

First thing I noticed was his height, no more than 5’6″. This didn’t bother me too much, it’s not like he lied and told me he was 6 foot, just not my usual preference. We grabbed a couple drinks at the bar and chatted. I had decided probably in the first 10 minutes that it wasn’t going anywhere but the conversation was decent and the rain forced us into more drinks at which point I also learned a thing or two that would have been nice to know beforehand.

He mentioned he was also on OkCupid and that he usually screened dates using the compatibility questions. So we went through a few of the deal breakers. I don’t know if I’m a prude or closed minded or something, but I certainly was a little thrown off by some of these. Am I the only one these days that isn’t into the whole open relationship/poly or threesome thing?? You know, after a few years your sex life gets boring and you have to spice it up somehow right? With another person?? Ummmm….nope. (Not that I don’t think that’s ok, if you want that, go for it, but REALLY not for me) Also, I may have mentioned, I’m not into drugs. I’m quite against them. I’m not here to lecture anyone and everyone’s life is their choice but for me, I don’t want to be with someone who does drugs. He tried to justify his choices, but there was no point.

The cherry on top was definitely when we went to leave and it was still pouring with no chance of it stopping. He decided to take a cab home and I was off to the subway. My subway stop was definitely on his way, but he didn’t offer so I ended up running to the station in the rain and lightning….Guys, it’s just nice to offer, regardless of whether the date had worked out or not.

Anyway, all in all, aside from the sex and drug discussion and the semi-rude exit, I actually enjoyed my evening of conversation. But I have learned my lesson about Tinder. I need to ask the tough questions if I don’t want to waste my time.

P.S. Oxley makes a mean Dark n’ Stormy.

– A

*Some people aren’t clear about their intentions on dating sites either.

**Happens on all dating sites/apps, not just Tinder.

 

Friday Favourites

 This is effing great.

If you’re in the grey area to begin with, you’ve already lost.” 

(This is why I am ok with being excited about a good date: Fuck Yes)

http://markmanson.net/fuck-yes/


 

I’m always down for poking fun and profile pics. This bearded Aussie is killing it.

http://www.mandatory.com/2014/09/03/some-guy-recreated-a-bunch-of-female-tinder-pics-and-theyre-glo/

06+-+VyRbRoY


 

My latest date spot recommendation? The Beverley Hotel rooftop patio. Just don’t go when it’s a million degrees or you’ll melt into the seat.


 

This is not the first time I’ve gotten a message like this. (Sorry hot friend, but I’m going to start cropping you out or photoshopping you to make you look awful.)

Also, I would love to hear your best responses in the comments.

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My reaction:

hell-naw

Happy Weekend my dears!!

– A

First Date Fashion

Whether it’s a first date or the tenth one, picking an outfit is sometimes the most difficult part and I never seem to have the right mix of casual but sexy cool outfits!

If you’re anything like me, you have a closet half full of “cute tops” you grabbed last minute for a hot date that you’ve worn maybe once or twice.

**I think you should wear what makes you feel sexy but comfortable. There’s no point in trying to look like anyone other than yourself. If your date doesn’t like it, they can shove it. (Or, you know, you’re not a good fit.) It will only cause problems down the road if you put on a show.

I’m no fashionista and in all honesty, I think you should wear whatever the eff you want and be yourself but if you’re looking for a few suggestions, I’ve put together a few ideas.


Sporting Events:

Sporting events are awesome and plentiful in Toronto. Our fans are committed and rowdy. Whether you’re going to see the Jays or the Argos, or headed to a TFC game, it’s going to be light hearted and fun. It’s a great first date in my opinion. There’s the opportunity to talk and flirt, but also the safety net of the game if your date isn’t so chatty. (or not your type)

I try to stick with something cute and sporty. I have a pair of white Puma ballet flats that usually do the trick for standing for long periods of time. I think converse or keds would be a cute alternative. I’m a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl when I’m off the clock so this is my element.

Oh, and dress in layers if you’re going to be outside at night (cool breeze off the water for TFC games or the dome could be open for the Jays) AND, top it off with a team baseball cap for a winning look. (see what I did there?!)

Active Date:

I have yet to figure this look out. I have a potential active date coming up, a bike ride, so I searched bike fashion on Pinterest. Why all the skirts?! I’m not a seasoned biker so I’m thinking I will stick with something like this…

Coffee:

I feel like coffee dates for first dates are becoming the norm, especially for online dating. It’s kind of like the pre-date date to determine if you want to go on a real first date. Sometimes it’s the prelude to dinner or another activity but it’s also a buffer so you can get out if it’s not a good match.

I try to keep my coffee date looks casual and rarely do activities after (save the real first date for another night) Again, I’m all for jeans and a cute top or blouse. I have a favourite pair of Levi’s boyfriend jeans from a bazillion years ago that are my go to.

After Work Drinks:

This one is tricky because you have to look good ALL DAMN DAY. (not my forte) And this look only works if your day job includes working at a stuffy office like moi.

Hint: bring deodorant, your toothbrush and toothpaste, and your make-up to touch up post work before heading out for this date.

I usually opt for a pencil skirt and blouse with heels. A slouchy belted shirtdress, à la numero 3 (pictured below), is another great option and allows some eating room. Pencil skirts don’t hide much of the lower belly pooch if you know what I mean.

Dinner:

My go to outfit for dinner dates as of late has been this Joe Fresh dress in white and navy (pictured in the centre below) with a jean jacket and depending on the boy in question, wedges or sandals.

Okcupid and POF let you know a guys height, and me being 5’4″, more often than not I can wear heels. With Tinder, unless they’ve listed it in their blurb, I play it safe in flats. If you don’t give a sh*t, wear whatever you want!!

The following are other great options. If I know I’m going to be eating, I tend to opt for a shift dress to hide my food baby like the first two options below. (Eating seems to be a real concern for me) The best part about dresses, is you can throw on heels if you’re going somewhere a little fancier, or flats for some casual sushi. Mmmm….sushi.

Do you have another type of date you need help with an outfit for?? Let me know in the comments and we’ll help you out!

– A

Friday Favourites

 This article from Hello Giggles (my role model, Zooey Deschanel’s, website) about saying no. (I could have used this advice on more than a few dates!)

http://hellogiggles.com/say-no-will-change-your-life

28682-Hell-no-gif-CD0Y

Quick, while there’s still time! Hit some of the best rooftop patios in Toronto. (Great date options!)

http://www.blogto.com/toronto/the_best_rooftop_patios_in_toronto/

This tweet from @femaleproblems

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This tweet from @Tinder #thestruggleisreal

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Profile Picture of the Week (people are still doing the tiger thing…nope)

3

Message of the Week (another proposal!)

2

All I want….

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Happy Long Weekend!!

– A

What to Wear When it’s Hella Hot Out

While it hasn’t exactly been a scorcher of a summer here in Toronto, yesterday was one of those heat alert days! What’s a girl to do when it’s a hot summer day and she has a hot date?!


If you’re ballsy enough to go to the beach for a date, (you sexy minx, you!) wear a cute suit and cool off in the water. Don’t forget the sunscreen!

If you’re super confident, how about a loose crop top and cut-offs for a casual date? Those damn thighs are gonna rub no matter what you wear, am I right? Want to cover up a bit more? Loose fitting top tucked in a bit with cut-offs works just as well!

Ladies, MAXI DRESSES! They are like pajamas but you still look fancy. Just go with a pattern or a darker colour to hide the under boob sweat, k?

Or if you’re short like me and feel frumpy in a maxi, try something short. The less form fitting the better.

You’re welcome!

– A

Guest Post: Strike 3 and You’re Out!

T is an online dating graduate and good friend of mine. She often puts up with listens to my dating shenanigans and doles out sage advice. Without further adieu, our first guest post:

I had my stint with online dating before meeting my current boyfriend of one year (thank you Tinder!) and I have a few tales about bullets dodged. This guy was 0 for 3 on our first and only date, so we’ll start with him.
I met him on POF during the first year I moved to Toronto. It was my first real date since university and I was stoked! We were going to meet at C’est What downtown (great place for a date by the way!) and grab some dinner and drinks. All seemed well at first. He was as cute as his picture, funny, and confident.
We sat down to dinner and here arose strike one: “I’m a little strapped for cash. Maybe we can split the bill.” Now, I’m fine for splitting bills, but I always think it’s nice for the gentleman to at least offer on the first date. The offer alone is nice! If he wasn’t able to offer to pay, why didn’t he suggest we just grab coffee or a drink? I know this is a touchy subject with many – why should the guy pay on the first date? Why was his honesty and suggestion a strike? Valid questions, but I like what I like and I want what I want, as do the rest of y’all, so this, to me, seemed a little off putting.
On to strike two. After fairly alright dinner conversation and a poorly played game of pool, we decided to go for a walk and he offered to walk me home – very nice and chivalrous. Not so nice and chivalrous, the rather surprising and inappropriate question “What size is your bra?” and, before I could think of what to say, the even more surprising and loads more inappropriate reach and grab for the gals as we walked along a busy sidewalk downtown. I tried to laugh it off (silly 22 year old, naïve T. Ladies, if someone takes advantage of you like that, don’t laugh it off. Get right in his grill about respect and how violating you is not acceptable) and continued on with the walk.
At the next lights, the third and final strike. Dude whips out his phone and asks if I want to see his muscles. Before I could answer (he was big on that), he’s showing me a pic of him from the neck down in front of a mirror in a shiny blue Speedo. Allllrrrighty then. No second date there! He tried to talk with me more online and asked if we could have a rematch at pool. I said I wasn’t interested in a date, but if he wanted to go as friends I’d be all for it. Never heard from him again. *Phew*
– T