The Disclaimer

Lately I’ve been thinking about adding a disclaimer to my profiles.


Actually, I recently “hid” all three of my online dating profiles and cancelled some upcoming dates to give this thing with The Gentleman a chance.  As i’ve said before, I feel weird dating multiple people at once, especially if I’m excited about a person.


However, if I end up re-activating these profiles, I have been feeling the need to list my deal-breakers. In the past, I felt profiles with disclaimers were cynical but now I feel they are necessary to weed out the crazies avoid wasting peoples time.

For instance, no drugs please. This is not a guideline but a deal-breaker for me. I don’t want you to try to convince me otherwise, simply respect it and move on to someone who is more 420 friendly.

I recently had a fellow message me about how fed up he was with all these feminists…why bother talking to me? We clearly aren’t going to get along.

Screenshot_2014-09-30-09-02-20

So here is my work in progress disclaimer:


Disclaimer: I dislike adding this to my profile and in no way want to come across as cynical but just to save us both some time, some tips. 

– Drug users and alcoholics need not apply.

– Not into poly or meeting your girlfriend.

– I am a feminist, if you’re not, don’t bother, we won’t get along.

– Please don’t ask me about my friends. Yes, they are gorgeous, no, they don’t want to date you.


What do you think? Any to add? Is listing your deal-breakers being picky or smart? Would you be turned off someone’s profile if they had them listed? Does it make people sound cynical or do you appreciate them cutting to the chase?

– A

The Gentleman

I apologize in advance for the long-windedness of this post but it’s Friday! Grab yourself a cup of coffee and take a break. You deserve it! 🙂


After a few lousy dates or bad experiences, a girl starts to think all hope is lost. Ok, that’s a little lot dramatic. But I did consider, for a few moments, taking a bit of a break from this whole dating thing. I am planning on going back to school for my masters soon anyway; perfect timing for a break, right?

These thoughts came about after losing a so-called friend, having an awesome connection with the chef and nothing coming of it, and then a past guy coming back, apologizing/saying all the right things, and promptly effing it up again. It can be disheartening.

But fear not, fellow Toronto Singles, there is still hope! I went out with The Gentleman last week.

The stats first so I can paint you a picture: 6’2″, gainfully employed, beard, tattoos, that undercut haircut, and kind of this strange mix of sudo-hipster/super-nerd/metal-head. Apparently have a type….

Side note: I wore a casual dress and heels because, thanks to POF, I knew he was massively tall which meant that I could wear heels and still be way shorter than him.

It was kind of a weird date because beforehand, he was meeting with some old family friend for drinks to talk business and I can only assume it turned into some sort of Mad Men drink-fest because when I showed up at The Drake, the two of them were a little lot tipsy. Not ideal, but kind of hilarious and he came across right away as very sweet, so I stayed.

After a few awkward moments waiting for the friend to leave, we had a drink and then decided to go get food. We hopped in a cab and went to Paese King Street for my favourite pizza, Capicollo. Seriously, just try it. You’re welcome.

By the time we finished up there, it was way past my bedtime and even though he tried to get me to go to Bar Hop for oysters, I managed to convince him we’d do that another time. So we headed home. And by that I mean he walked me all the way to my door, gave me a hug, and turned around and left. It’s not a huge deal, but I for sure make a mental note when guys don’t do this and instead leave me to fend for myself or try to get invited in.

Post date he texted me straight away asking to see me again, and apologizing again for his “state”. We met for tea the following week (I was quite sick) and then he came over another night to meet my dogs and watch some Walking Dead. Three “dates” (the other two were more like hangouts) and not a single move. Impressive.

Then the night before he flew out for work – he is a project manager on a rig in Alberta – I dropped by to say goodbye and finally worked up the nerve to give him a quick kiss. Only, it wasn’t easy to find his mouth behind all that beard. He has a bottom lip but I’m not sure about a top lip.

Again, he texted me immediately, first apologizing for not initiating said kiss but also saying he hadn’t wanted to come across as aggressive. Silly boy. His self deprecating humor is kind of funny, but I kind of want him to take charge a bit more and stop being so apologetic. Maybe that will come.

Anyway, I’ll wrap this up with last night: he arrived in Alberta and is texting me all evening and just as I’m getting to bed, he calls. On the phone.

I’ll leave it at that for now. I won’t see him for another few weeks but if he does something else crazy, like sends me snail mail, I’ll be sure to post about it.

Happy Weekend!

– A

Mr. Nose Ring

This date story itself isn’t all that exciting, but it does bring up an interesting issue about something that I’ve encountered more times than I ever imagined I would.

But before I get to that, the date. Mr. Nose Ring is a piercer. In all fairness, he had a great job and then went back to school to get an even better job, but pierces to pay the rent while he finishes up his degree.

He is incredibly handsome, funny, and well spoken. I tend to have a thing for tall guys and I was pleasantly surprised that even though he’s 5’8″, I still felt petite beside him. (This is a lesson I will take from the experience and perhaps not be so quick to write off the shortys)


I guess you can imagine, working in a tattoo and piercing shop, he had quite a few piercings and tattoos, which I don’t mind. (though I definitely prefer tattoos to piercings)

Anywho, we had a couple drinks and laughed a lot, mostly about how accident prone we both are. All in all, a fun time and he was super sweet. But then the bomb dropped. He told me a story about cocaine.

WHAT is with Toronto boys and cocaine?! Or what is with me being attracted to guys who do cocaine!?! I honestly, don’t judge. If that’s your lifestyle, that’s your choice. But ultimately I’m looking for someone I can depend on and quite frankly, doing hard drugs doesn’t scream husband or father material. I’ve realized, especially after dating an alcoholic, that I won’t tolerate substance abuse so unfortunately (or fortunately?) it rules out quite a few potential suitors. half of Toronto.


I’d love to hear your thoughts. What’s your take on drug use? Is it a deal breaker or would you entertain the idea of dating someone who did something like coke?

– A

Message of the Week

I know it’s only Wednesday, but I dare someone to come up with a better line than this guy.

I’ve received a few messages like these before, usually they say something similar, a bit of an insult followed by asking for a favour. I have never replied until last night. My curiosity got the better of me so I replied with mild sarcasm.CYMERA_20140910_101040I was NOT prepared for the epicness of his reply. Maybe it’s a line that’s been used a lot and I just haven’t heard it…but it’s too good not to share.

CYMERA_20140910_101148

Now, I’ve opted to protect his identity because I feel like ya’ll will be clammering to figure out who this smooth talker is. But I had to share these pics from his profile.

Yes, that receipt had his bank card number. No, he did not black it out, I did.

– A

Friday Favourites

 This is effing great.

If you’re in the grey area to begin with, you’ve already lost.” 

(This is why I am ok with being excited about a good date: Fuck Yes)

http://markmanson.net/fuck-yes/


 

I’m always down for poking fun and profile pics. This bearded Aussie is killing it.

http://www.mandatory.com/2014/09/03/some-guy-recreated-a-bunch-of-female-tinder-pics-and-theyre-glo/

06+-+VyRbRoY


 

My latest date spot recommendation? The Beverley Hotel rooftop patio. Just don’t go when it’s a million degrees or you’ll melt into the seat.


 

This is not the first time I’ve gotten a message like this. (Sorry hot friend, but I’m going to start cropping you out or photoshopping you to make you look awful.)

Also, I would love to hear your best responses in the comments.

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My reaction:

hell-naw

Happy Weekend my dears!!

– A

Friday Favourites

 This article from Hello Giggles (my role model, Zooey Deschanel’s, website) about saying no. (I could have used this advice on more than a few dates!)

http://hellogiggles.com/say-no-will-change-your-life

28682-Hell-no-gif-CD0Y

Quick, while there’s still time! Hit some of the best rooftop patios in Toronto. (Great date options!)

http://www.blogto.com/toronto/the_best_rooftop_patios_in_toronto/

This tweet from @femaleproblems

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This tweet from @Tinder #thestruggleisreal

Bv5_QeXIIAAJ6KR

 

Profile Picture of the Week (people are still doing the tiger thing…nope)

3

Message of the Week (another proposal!)

2

All I want….

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Happy Long Weekend!!

– A

Guest Post: Strike 3 and You’re Out!

T is an online dating graduate and good friend of mine. She often puts up with listens to my dating shenanigans and doles out sage advice. Without further adieu, our first guest post:

I had my stint with online dating before meeting my current boyfriend of one year (thank you Tinder!) and I have a few tales about bullets dodged. This guy was 0 for 3 on our first and only date, so we’ll start with him.
I met him on POF during the first year I moved to Toronto. It was my first real date since university and I was stoked! We were going to meet at C’est What downtown (great place for a date by the way!) and grab some dinner and drinks. All seemed well at first. He was as cute as his picture, funny, and confident.
We sat down to dinner and here arose strike one: “I’m a little strapped for cash. Maybe we can split the bill.” Now, I’m fine for splitting bills, but I always think it’s nice for the gentleman to at least offer on the first date. The offer alone is nice! If he wasn’t able to offer to pay, why didn’t he suggest we just grab coffee or a drink? I know this is a touchy subject with many – why should the guy pay on the first date? Why was his honesty and suggestion a strike? Valid questions, but I like what I like and I want what I want, as do the rest of y’all, so this, to me, seemed a little off putting.
On to strike two. After fairly alright dinner conversation and a poorly played game of pool, we decided to go for a walk and he offered to walk me home – very nice and chivalrous. Not so nice and chivalrous, the rather surprising and inappropriate question “What size is your bra?” and, before I could think of what to say, the even more surprising and loads more inappropriate reach and grab for the gals as we walked along a busy sidewalk downtown. I tried to laugh it off (silly 22 year old, naïve T. Ladies, if someone takes advantage of you like that, don’t laugh it off. Get right in his grill about respect and how violating you is not acceptable) and continued on with the walk.
At the next lights, the third and final strike. Dude whips out his phone and asks if I want to see his muscles. Before I could answer (he was big on that), he’s showing me a pic of him from the neck down in front of a mirror in a shiny blue Speedo. Allllrrrighty then. No second date there! He tried to talk with me more online and asked if we could have a rematch at pool. I said I wasn’t interested in a date, but if he wanted to go as friends I’d be all for it. Never heard from him again. *Phew*
– T