The First Message

Other than your profile and your photos, your first message is your first impression.

Gentlemen, a public service announcement if you will:

from what I’ve experienced first hand AND heard from friends, women get bombarded with messages on dating sites. It pays to take some time to craft something witty and thoughtful.

This also means the ladies are less likely to message you first. So if they do contact you first, keep these points in mind for your response as well.

1. Don’t be lazy. Don’t copy and paste. First of all it’s pretty obvious. Secondly, you get about as much effort back as you put in.

2. Read their profile, put in the time, compliment a feature or specific photo. Be funny, witty, or charming. (or all of the above if you’re perfect)

3. Don’t propose in the first message. This is both literal and figurative.


 

A Literal Proposal


 

A Figurative Proposal  #nopressure!!

A Figurative Proposal
#nopressure!!


 

4. Spelling and grammar count.

5. Make me laugh if that’s something you’re good at.

6. Ask a question. Give me something to go with other than ‘how are you?’ Something that requires a little more thought and maybe says a little more about a person. This shows that you would like to get to know me better. Riiiight?

For instance, a potential suitor once asked me the top 3 places I’d like to visit. This may seem a little generic but I think it’s kind of telling of the person you are. If they say something like a Caribbean resort and you’re more of an adventure traveller who would rather go ziplining in Costa Rica than sit at a pool, then maybe you’re not compatible.

7. If you just say ‘hey’ or ‘how are you?’ you’re not likely to get a response 99.9% of the time. The other 0.01% of the time is if you are super good looking and we are crossing our fingers that maybe you are a good conversationalist but were just out of witty things to say at that moment.

8. No matter how funny or cute your message is, if I check out your profile and am not attracted, I’m not likely going to reply. Thems the brakes.

Now go message that gorgeous gal you’ve been eyeing!

**Most of these suggestions are my personal preference as well as feedback from friends so take it all with a grain of salt (and maybe a shot of tequila ’cause it’s Friday!)

– A

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Photos

After sifting through many a Tinder, OkCupid, and Plenty of Fish profile, I’ve come to learn a few things about photos. If I could give the men of the online dating world some tips on their pictures, these would be it. The following are my own opinion as well as a consensus from my female friends.

1. My best advice is to actually read that page on each site that tells you how to build your profile. You know the one, on POF there are actually videos to help you. They made those for a reason! Watch them, read the information, follow their advice.

2. For the love of God, SMILE in your photos. All of them. Y’all look like serial killers otherwise.

3. Enough already with the ab photos. I get it. It takes serious work and dedication and yes it’s hot. BUT, if you think that’s going to attract the dating/marrying type (assuming that’s what you’re looking for)…maybe it will, but probably not. I’m trying not to judge harshly or be mean, but I need to be honest if I’m going to help you. It makes you look douchey, shallow, and self involved.

4. Do include a full body shot preferably doing something active or sporty but also make sure we can see your handsome face in most photos.

5. Group photos: one or two is fine. It shows you have friends which is a huge plus (seriously). But if I have to play a guessing game I’m going to swipe left. Same goes for pictures of you in the club with lots of attractive women. It makes you look like a player and doesn’t make me think “wow, you can get such hot women I want to date you now.”

6. A word on selfies. They exist. I have one. But it’s not at the gym or in my bathroom. And it’s with my dog….seriously borrow a cute dog (but enough with the sedated tigers) and you’re golden. If you don’t hang out with people enough to have a decent photo of yourself that isn’t a selfie…I’m going to think you’re a serial killer.

7. If you say you’re outdoorsy and like camping or running or whatever….try including a picture of you doing that. First of all, proof. Second of all it’s confusing if all your pictures are of you in the club when you say what you really love is wind surfing.

Along with my personal experiences, I will continue to offer my humble advice and opinions on messaging, profiles, and general etiquette. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to send them over. If you are wondering, someone else is too!

-A

Welcome

A few things brought me to writing this blog. I’ve been harassing my friends to do one for years. I never thought I was particularly funny or witty enough to do it myself but in my adult dating life, I think I’ve learned a thing or two. Maybe you’ll learn something from my mishaps and mistakes or maybe you’ll just find it entertaining.

What led me here? A female dominated undergrad, a start up directed at brides and an old man dominated day job. Where do people meet anymore? That’s right, online.

I’ll try to be fair, and not judge too harshly and in the interest of fairness, I’ll show you my profile too. If you have your own dating story/lesson to tell, feel free to send it over and I’ll post the good ones.

My specs:

5’4″ athletic/fit build
Brown hair brown eyes
Day job: accounting
Dream job/side business: wedding dresses
Living situation: on my own with 2 dogs

My basic profile I use for POF and OkCupid is as follows:


 

I:

– like making lists and crossing things off them.
– can be silly and am a bit of a spaz.
– love animals. I have 2 dogs and they are just as spazzy as I am.
– love being outside in the spring, summer, & fall. Hate winter. Wish I could hibernate like a bear.
– am loyal but recently switched from Lay’s Dill Pickle to Ruffles All Dressed so now I’m not so sure.
– still believe in chivalry and identify as a feminist. (which I don’t think are mutually exclusive)
– am a runner. I’m slow, but I run.
– am educated but I cuss like a sailor.
– am not sure whether I’m a city girl or a country girl but I like to think I’m a little of both.
– have one foot firmly planted in reality but I have lots of ambition and big dreams.
– sometimes work too much and can be a little too serious which is why I usually am drawn to people that bring out my silly side.

I’d be lying if I said I’m not looking for the “right person” and I don’t intend to waste anyone’s time but I am not in any rush. You might be my “right person” if you:

– can make me laugh until I cry and/or snort (snorting > crying)
– are active & healthy but not necessarily a GI Joe. (and not likely to have a picture of your abs on your profile, not that I don’t appreciate them, they take some serious work and dedication)
– are humble (see above)
– are silly
– are loyal, honest, and dependable
– are looking for your equal, supporter, and teammate
– are self-aware and a skilled communicator
– are a family oriented gentleman

Other random bonus points (but really, I’m not that picky):
– tattoos
– beards
– that slick hipster haircut (swoon)

 


 

-A