Friday Favourites

Not only is it Friday, but it’s also Thanksgiving weekend! (my favourite) Here’s this week’s roundup for Friday Favourites:

Date ideas? I got ’em!

From The One Night Stand girls: Fav First Date Locations in Toronto

From Blog TO: Top 10 bars for checking out up and coming bands (and for a third or fourth date IMHO)

and from Blog TO again: Top 10 things to do outdoors this fall (skating = great date, especially if you pull the adorable “I don’t know how to skate” bit)


Why Girls Swipe Left on Guys


cgndfgn

Hilarious, only on my phone the contacts aren’t “Tinder” they are “Beard” I have Andrew Beard, Mike Beard, and Sean Beard, to name a few.

This article about how to stop overthinking relationships came just a little late for me overthinking that thing with The Gentleman from yesterday.


 

The dreaded group shots. Guys, we’re going to swipe left if we have to play Where’s Waldo.

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Good things about the beard? Face pillow.

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#sorrynotsorry for all the beard humor. Got the B on my mind.

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Happy Thanksgiving!!

– A

The Bearded Nerd

A Tinder Date

I love Tinder for many reasons: 

– low barrier to entry – people who feel that online dating has a stigma or that creating a profile on a dating site is too much work, will be more likely join Tinder because it’s easy and everyone is doing it

– less embarrassment, if you swipe right and they don’t, there’s less of the rejection factor

– based mostly on a physical attraction (you wouldn’t flirt with a stranger in real life if you weren’t first physically attracted)

I also have my qualms about it:

– based mostly on a physical attraction (there is very little to go off of in terms of having things in common or similar values etc.)

– not everyone is on there for the same reason and it’s difficult to gauge someone’s intentions* (it’s known as the “hook-up app” afterall)

– people use it as an ego booster or have no intention of talking to or meeting with people**

– unless listed in the teeny tiny spot for your profile, you can’t be sure of their height (though I find this is the most lied about quality, regardless of app/site)


 

With dating websites like Ok Cupid and Plenty of Fish (and I’m sure the paid sites as well), there are ways to filter out the riff-raff.

Looking for something serious? You can search that. Don’t want to date someone who does drugs? Check their Okcupid compatibility answers. People can and do lie, but for the most part, you can filter out the lifestyles that don’t suit you.

Lesson learnedOn Tinder, you have to ask.


I went out with The Bearded Nerd on a rainy Friday evening for drinks at the Oxley, awesome spot, two patios, great British pub atmosphere, and great beer and cocktail list.

First thing I noticed was his height, no more than 5’6″. This didn’t bother me too much, it’s not like he lied and told me he was 6 foot, just not my usual preference. We grabbed a couple drinks at the bar and chatted. I had decided probably in the first 10 minutes that it wasn’t going anywhere but the conversation was decent and the rain forced us into more drinks at which point I also learned a thing or two that would have been nice to know beforehand.

He mentioned he was also on OkCupid and that he usually screened dates using the compatibility questions. So we went through a few of the deal breakers. I don’t know if I’m a prude or closed minded or something, but I certainly was a little thrown off by some of these. Am I the only one these days that isn’t into the whole open relationship/poly or threesome thing?? You know, after a few years your sex life gets boring and you have to spice it up somehow right? With another person?? Ummmm….nope. (Not that I don’t think that’s ok, if you want that, go for it, but REALLY not for me) Also, I may have mentioned, I’m not into drugs. I’m quite against them. I’m not here to lecture anyone and everyone’s life is their choice but for me, I don’t want to be with someone who does drugs. He tried to justify his choices, but there was no point.

The cherry on top was definitely when we went to leave and it was still pouring with no chance of it stopping. He decided to take a cab home and I was off to the subway. My subway stop was definitely on his way, but he didn’t offer so I ended up running to the station in the rain and lightning….Guys, it’s just nice to offer, regardless of whether the date had worked out or not.

Anyway, all in all, aside from the sex and drug discussion and the semi-rude exit, I actually enjoyed my evening of conversation. But I have learned my lesson about Tinder. I need to ask the tough questions if I don’t want to waste my time.

P.S. Oxley makes a mean Dark n’ Stormy.

– A

*Some people aren’t clear about their intentions on dating sites either.

**Happens on all dating sites/apps, not just Tinder.

 

Friday Favourites

 This is effing great.

If you’re in the grey area to begin with, you’ve already lost.” 

(This is why I am ok with being excited about a good date: Fuck Yes)

http://markmanson.net/fuck-yes/


 

I’m always down for poking fun and profile pics. This bearded Aussie is killing it.

http://www.mandatory.com/2014/09/03/some-guy-recreated-a-bunch-of-female-tinder-pics-and-theyre-glo/

06+-+VyRbRoY


 

My latest date spot recommendation? The Beverley Hotel rooftop patio. Just don’t go when it’s a million degrees or you’ll melt into the seat.


 

This is not the first time I’ve gotten a message like this. (Sorry hot friend, but I’m going to start cropping you out or photoshopping you to make you look awful.)

Also, I would love to hear your best responses in the comments.

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My reaction:

hell-naw

Happy Weekend my dears!!

– A

Friday Favourites

 This article from Hello Giggles (my role model, Zooey Deschanel’s, website) about saying no. (I could have used this advice on more than a few dates!)

http://hellogiggles.com/say-no-will-change-your-life

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Quick, while there’s still time! Hit some of the best rooftop patios in Toronto. (Great date options!)

http://www.blogto.com/toronto/the_best_rooftop_patios_in_toronto/

This tweet from @femaleproblems

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This tweet from @Tinder #thestruggleisreal

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Profile Picture of the Week (people are still doing the tiger thing…nope)

3

Message of the Week (another proposal!)

2

All I want….

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Happy Long Weekend!!

– A

The Professor

Well the cat is out of the bag guys. I’m not perfect. Shocking, I know. I had a fairly decent date on Saturday night and I blew it. Mind you, even though the date itself went well, I wasn’t planning on a second anyway. But man, did I create an awkward situation.

Let’s back it up. The professor from Tinder. Nerdy, cute, successful. We went to The Beaver for drinks on the patio, had good conversation and then he walked me to the bus so I could “head home”.

Let’s back this up even further. I’m not generally the type to date many people at once. I feel weird even talking to more than one person I’m interested in. I also have a habit of becoming “attached” to a guy I’m dating/like quite quickly. So on the advice of a few friends, and in order to keep this blog interesting, I’m branching out and trying to meet more people. So, that night I had the date with The Professor, I also was attempting to make plans with The Chef (more on that when we have a real date)

Anywho, when I got on the bus and said goodnight to The Professor, I hopped off a couple stops later near The Chef’s restaurant to see if he was around. I really had to use the ladies room and was feeling parched so I went into Subway and grabbed a water. When I walked out who did I run into, but The Professor! I didn’t know what to say so I stammered “I had to grab a water” (I thought this line was comparable to “I carried a watermelon”) He said something about meeting up with a friend and we awkwardly left it at that and went our separate ways. I’m pretty sure he was also off to a second date but I had fully lied that I was going home. It was so awkward it physically hurt.

Lesson learned: I’m not very suave. And if you’re going to go on two dates in one night, make the second one on the other side of the city (or the planet) just to be safe.

-A

 

EDIT: My awkwardness wasn’t off-putting enough apparently. Got this message from the professor…

Curious, would you rather be told the truth (ie. there wasn’t a connection so no thanks) or a little white lie (I’m not ready to date)??

Also, who says “most happy”??

– A

Guest Post: Strike 3 and You’re Out!

T is an online dating graduate and good friend of mine. She often puts up with listens to my dating shenanigans and doles out sage advice. Without further adieu, our first guest post:

I had my stint with online dating before meeting my current boyfriend of one year (thank you Tinder!) and I have a few tales about bullets dodged. This guy was 0 for 3 on our first and only date, so we’ll start with him.
I met him on POF during the first year I moved to Toronto. It was my first real date since university and I was stoked! We were going to meet at C’est What downtown (great place for a date by the way!) and grab some dinner and drinks. All seemed well at first. He was as cute as his picture, funny, and confident.
We sat down to dinner and here arose strike one: “I’m a little strapped for cash. Maybe we can split the bill.” Now, I’m fine for splitting bills, but I always think it’s nice for the gentleman to at least offer on the first date. The offer alone is nice! If he wasn’t able to offer to pay, why didn’t he suggest we just grab coffee or a drink? I know this is a touchy subject with many – why should the guy pay on the first date? Why was his honesty and suggestion a strike? Valid questions, but I like what I like and I want what I want, as do the rest of y’all, so this, to me, seemed a little off putting.
On to strike two. After fairly alright dinner conversation and a poorly played game of pool, we decided to go for a walk and he offered to walk me home – very nice and chivalrous. Not so nice and chivalrous, the rather surprising and inappropriate question “What size is your bra?” and, before I could think of what to say, the even more surprising and loads more inappropriate reach and grab for the gals as we walked along a busy sidewalk downtown. I tried to laugh it off (silly 22 year old, naïve T. Ladies, if someone takes advantage of you like that, don’t laugh it off. Get right in his grill about respect and how violating you is not acceptable) and continued on with the walk.
At the next lights, the third and final strike. Dude whips out his phone and asks if I want to see his muscles. Before I could answer (he was big on that), he’s showing me a pic of him from the neck down in front of a mirror in a shiny blue Speedo. Allllrrrighty then. No second date there! He tried to talk with me more online and asked if we could have a rematch at pool. I said I wasn’t interested in a date, but if he wanted to go as friends I’d be all for it. Never heard from him again. *Phew*
– T

The First Message

Other than your profile and your photos, your first message is your first impression.

Gentlemen, a public service announcement if you will:

from what I’ve experienced first hand AND heard from friends, women get bombarded with messages on dating sites. It pays to take some time to craft something witty and thoughtful.

This also means the ladies are less likely to message you first. So if they do contact you first, keep these points in mind for your response as well.

1. Don’t be lazy. Don’t copy and paste. First of all it’s pretty obvious. Secondly, you get about as much effort back as you put in.

2. Read their profile, put in the time, compliment a feature or specific photo. Be funny, witty, or charming. (or all of the above if you’re perfect)

3. Don’t propose in the first message. This is both literal and figurative.


 

A Literal Proposal


 

A Figurative Proposal  #nopressure!!

A Figurative Proposal
#nopressure!!


 

4. Spelling and grammar count.

5. Make me laugh if that’s something you’re good at.

6. Ask a question. Give me something to go with other than ‘how are you?’ Something that requires a little more thought and maybe says a little more about a person. This shows that you would like to get to know me better. Riiiight?

For instance, a potential suitor once asked me the top 3 places I’d like to visit. This may seem a little generic but I think it’s kind of telling of the person you are. If they say something like a Caribbean resort and you’re more of an adventure traveller who would rather go ziplining in Costa Rica than sit at a pool, then maybe you’re not compatible.

7. If you just say ‘hey’ or ‘how are you?’ you’re not likely to get a response 99.9% of the time. The other 0.01% of the time is if you are super good looking and we are crossing our fingers that maybe you are a good conversationalist but were just out of witty things to say at that moment.

8. No matter how funny or cute your message is, if I check out your profile and am not attracted, I’m not likely going to reply. Thems the brakes.

Now go message that gorgeous gal you’ve been eyeing!

**Most of these suggestions are my personal preference as well as feedback from friends so take it all with a grain of salt (and maybe a shot of tequila ’cause it’s Friday!)

– A